I turned thirty-one yesterday. Been thinking about what I want to accomplish, what I have accomplished. There’s a lot of social expectations, but I’m trying to process those to understand which of those are vital.
Lately, I’ve been coming back to a panel from issue #20 of Sex Criminals. I’ve discussed this panel before, an exchange between the Porn Star/Professor and Jon’s psychiatrist. They’re having sex and he is struggling to please her. And she calls him out about whether or not he wants or needs to please her. She explains, “Wanting is sexy. Wanting is sex. I like being wanted. Needing is… needy and gross and sad. Needy is never about someone else. It’s about the holes in you, not in me, that’s for damn sure.”
In a number of cases, I keep coming back to a question: Was it what was wanted or what was needed? Did the need become a consuming neediness? In my personal and professional life, I have often found the answer to involve a delicate tangling where the two get lost in one another. Whether it be work, my comics or an ex-girlfriend, I think the key lies with understanding what is truly wanted and what is a wasteful neediness.