I kind of get into a bit of an investigation of various topics as I consider what I’m trying to accomplish, how best to accomplish them and what I can truly expect of myself. As I’ve said, I’ve spent a lot of the last couple years breaking down the pieces of many aspects of my life to better understand not only how I got there, but to make the necessary changes and keep myself from falling into those holes again. Writing about it and breaking it down really did help to better comprehend the hows and whys. And it kept me writing.
Right now I’m making strides with Order of the Dragon and some other comics/art related stuff while being much more cognizant of my overall health and well-being. I’m hoping to be a certain point comics wise come time for the GMCE. Reasonable goal. I’m beginning a bulk where I hope to push two hundred pounds and cut back down to 175-180. We’ll see how that goes.
There are a lot of ways I haven’t met my own expectations. In truth, I probably shoulder more blame for a myriad of things than I ever should have. I will never feel much regret for writing about LMCBW, but I will admit some of that should have been communicated to her more directly. I will admit to feeling a need to apologize for that. The asshole in me wants to make some crack about her never really listening anyway, but I’m trying not to be that guy as much. I failed to meet a lot of my own expectations in that time. In part because I was so afraid of failing to meet so many expectations that other people had. I admit that. The question I had to answer–and feel I have–was if I could have ever met those.
Meeting expectations, being a champion of hopes and dreams, is harder than it should be. You can pile all your hopes and dreams onto someone, but you have to help them reach that. I will admit a hard thing to figure out was whether or not the goals I had reconciled with other people’s. If you’re willing to work at it, they can fit together better than you think.